Simple and True. I am past being tired and hopefully, this year that will change. If you have watched the Dr's or Oprah lately it has been about change in the new year. I have also been blog hopping and have discovered so really inspiring blogs. The two that come to mind is www.adailyscoop.blogspot.com and www.jessicaandtravis.blogspot.com. The first was created after a mother lost her baby girl to a drowning in their backyard spa. The second is a lady who woke up one day with her fiance dead next to her. He had a seizure and died in his sleep. They both have discovered that writing their feelings have helped them to cope. I think a blog should not only be about the fun and silly things that family and kids do but a way for us to speak our minds and maybe try and come to terms with things. So I am going to try it.
I am tired beyond reason with just about everything. I am tired of not knowing if we are going to be able to keep the house. I am tired of my kids demanding everything. I am tired of working no stop and seeing it get me no where. I am tired of divorce. I doubt my brother knows how hard this divorce is affecting me. She was a very good friend, my maid of honor at my wedding and the mother to 3 of my nieces and nephews. I am tired of not having money to do anything. I am tired of not sleeping at night. I am tired of my knee and back hurting everyday. I am tired of my kids wanting to watch cartoons all day. I am tired of kids asking me if I am having a baby or why I am so fat. (At the surgery center where Allie got her tonsils out a nurse asked when was I "do". I told her no I am not pregnant. Then she feels my stomach and says "REALLY".) I am tired of in-laws saying I make everything about me. I am tired of feeling like I have not been as good of friend to my friends. I am tired of being asked every 5 minutes for something or to find something or to tell where something goes. I am tired of having to cut coupons and living off of clearance racks. I am tired of myself. I never put myself first. I don't get haircuts or color my hair (out of a box) but maybe every 8 months or so. I only get pedicures when I get a gift certificate. I only allow myself a shower maybe every 2-3 days. I know gross. But I tell myself there is so much more I could be doing than taking 10 minutes to jump in the shower. I am tired of having to get the cars oil changed and any maintenance needed on them. I have had to drag 6 kids with me to get something fixed on my van. I am tired of feeling guilty in dealings with my kids. Plan and Simple I am TIRED or being TIRED.
When reading the above blogs they all say they wish the could have said or did something one more time with their loved one. I am constantly having the feeling of loss. Not that I am going to lose one of my kids but that they are going to lose me. I am scared to death of how that would affect them. So when they ask to sleep on my bedroom floor, I will let them. When they ask to have a date with me I will try my hardest to make that happen. I will try and not complain if their rooms are messy and their clothes are not neatly folded in their drawers. I am a little OCD about neatness and things being in their places. I will try to sit with them through a SpongeBob episode and act like it is funny. I love hearing them laugh. I will try to be calm during homework time and not harp on Brody if his handwriting is messy.
So what to do about it.
First I am going to do as Robin McGraw says "Woman have to put themselves first". As the saying goes if Momma ain't happy no one is happy. I am going to try and make sure I schedule the 10 minutes I need to take a shower, and maybe even put some make-up on from time to time. I will go on more girls night out, hopefully they will start earlier. I will call my friends more and check in on them. I will take my medicine at night to help me sleep and not try to rough it out. When Jeremy says lets go somewhere for the weekend I will be more excited to go. I will make sure to tell my kids I love them and give them a hug every second I get. I will need some feedback to let me know how you that are reading this does this for yourself.
Have not figured out yet what to do about the house, money and weight. Within a couple of months I will be getting another child for daycare. So hopefully 4 full-time kids will help with the finances. I am so addicted to Pepsi and Coke that when I try and drink something else it just makes me literally sick to my stomach. I need to be a better example to my kids with dealing with food and eating habits. When my kids are home all they want to do is eat, but that's all they see me do. I need to find healthy food, that my body won't be in pain digesting, oh and that taste good.
Well there are my New Years resolution. I would love any feedback you would like to give.
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3 months ago
6 comments:
You have been a good friend and example to me over the past couple of years. I wish I helped out in the kids classes as much as you do. Being a mom is tiring and hard. You have two cute kids... who are kids! I think I will just have to schedule another girls night then, and you better come!
I'm tired too! But you know what...sometimes just saying it out loud (or in your case; writing it out loud) helps. I have a "venting" friend. I call her and can say my mind..complain about the kids, my family, my husband, and even the school leaders! I find I feel much better after I can say it out loud! Nothing changes, but now at least someone knows my comliants!
I personally think you are great! Your kids are great! Your blog is great! We all love you!
First of all, that nurse deserved a punch in the nose! Second, I think it helps a lot to write out what's on your mind. I know sometimes when I can't sleep at night I get so down on myself thinking that I just can't seem to do it all & be as great at cleaning, cooking, parenting, exercising, etc. etc. as I think everyone else is. I know Satan loves it when we're so down on ourselves. My friend had a great quote on her blog that really hit me one day: "Satan wants to wrap us in his chains. He whispers in our ear 'you can't do that. You're weak.' His greatest desire is to have us doubt ourselves. He asks us, 'But how are you compared to her?' And delights when we pause to measure...But it is too bad, so sad for Satan. We are far more powerful than he ever will be. We always have been. And we have the power to reject his attempts to destroy us."
Keep your chin up... you are so awesome! Your Heavenly Father is cheering for you & is so aware of you & your sweet family! You are awesome!
Kelly we have such great friends. I loved hearing what these women are saying and I totally concur with all they have to say.
You are so not alone in feeling tired, in fact if it makes you feel better, last night I had a break down with Ben. I love thta I am not the only one. and I love how you verbalized everything because the entire time I was reading your post, I was saying hear, hear.
I like what Katrina said,
cheer up, Heavenly Father and us are cheering for you, and hey I think its high time for a girls night out. What time works for you?
I lvoe you and adore you.
Liz
I just want to reach out and give you a big hug! You are such an amazing lady. I agree with all previously said... We all have times that we feel completely worn down and tired and it is so nice to know we are not alone. There are so many people that love you! Let's get that girls night out scheduled... Love you!
Kelly,
Thanks for sharing your feelings. I totally can relate to how you feel about being "tired." Many things you said felt liked you peeked into my own life! I just have to say that I really look up to you and your family. I think you are an amazing woman and wish I could watch 4 full time kids and be happy about it!
As long as we are doing our best, Heavenly Father will help out with the rest!
Hope to see you at the next girls night!! :)
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